A twisted smile and tangled thoughts mixed up feelings and jumbled words not all pain is suffered the same but sadness burns through my veins a smile so sweet and thoughts so tender a heart that beats and words that anchor so you wouldn't know of the sadness inside or the pain I have to hide… Continue reading Living hurts
Albeit sometimes fragile, I have worked hard since my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder in an attempt to gain some stability and elbow room from the illness. Though I am yet to start DBT (the recommended therapy for BPD), I’d like to think I am doing relatively well. After-all, I am a soon to be… Continue reading I think I’m alone now
A year ago today I became a psych inpatient for the first time. I remember it as though it were yesterday; the mixture of feelings of utter fear and safety of being admitted still lies in the pit of my stomach, and makes its way to the back of my throat when I think about… Continue reading Mad Girl
Mental illness is a private experience that is better off shared. I often ask myself the question, ‘if I don’t breathe life into my mental illness with words, will it go away?’ As though if I ignore my mental ill-health and don’t talk about it, pretending that it doesn’t exist, I suddenly won’t be mentally… Continue reading Is mental illness like physical illness?
Anxiety kisses me and hugs my bones whilst fear eats every last ounce of the strength my bones carry the voices haunt me enveloping me into an inner-hellish world and the hellish wait for help depression clings to me like a needy child the darkness unbearable whilst comforting too the urge to figure everything out… Continue reading “Survivor”
An eating disorder is never a choice and is never your fault. But you hold the power as to whether you fight against it. You have to want recovery for yourself. Though of course, it is never that easy. I’ve been fighting bulimia for over a year, despite only having a diagnosis for less than… Continue reading You can’t live life on an empty stomach!
The voice of ego is often loud and overwhelming. Being back out in the real world, and by that I guess I mean being both back out on placement and being relatively ‘stable’ mental health wise, means that I have begun thinking about spirituality again. I’ve been thinking about the concept of the ego, because… Continue reading Who is my ego?
Identity is a weird and wonderful concept. Weird, wonderful, and utterly confusing. I’ve spent what probably equates to weeks of my life – perhaps even years – trying to figure out who I am. Growing up, I wanted to be anyone who I could be. I clung to any label I could get my little… Continue reading A borderline identity
What’s your biggest fear? Heights, maybe? Clowns? Spiders? The darkness? Whatever your biggest fear is, I would imagine you do whatever you can to avoid it. Fear of heights? Avoid high rise buildings. Scared of clowns? Avoid the circus. Afraid of spiders? Live with someone who can catch them for you. Don’t like the dark?… Continue reading What’s your biggest fear?
The best decision I have ever made is to speak up and out about my mental health and illnesses. Standing up, and saying ‘hey, I’m not okay’ was and still is at times, incredibly difficult, but the best choice I could ever make. When you stand up and speak out, you face the risk of… Continue reading A lesson learned